Day 15 - ???


It's a good news/bad news kind of day.

Well, good news - Lost 13.5 pounds! Yeah.

Bad news - got kicked off the program. :(

Yeah, quite a shocker for me too, especially since I only had to lose a required 4 lbs. But they are sticklers for adhering to only the liquid diet (no alterations). People I assure you if you are adhering to a 1,000 calories - your ass better be losing more than 4 lbs. (in 2 weeks) or you are lying. Which brings me to what got me kicked off the program.

You have to keep a food diary of everything you consume. Please understand, I have always been a pretty honest person and I was taught to accept my consequences.

Let's back track just a little more, shall we. Sunday morning I had a breakdown. Crying. Feeling generally crappy. And then wiped the tears and began my day. But in the back of my mind I knew there was a crack. It was going to happen today. The rest of my day was filled with coffee and shakes (which were getting considerably harder to consume) and then at one of the writing spots my crack opened wide and Suzie got a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato and onion (dear god it was like ambrosia - a little burnt, could have used salt but...heaven), and I ate half sharing half with a friend. My honest side would not allow me to "not" write my indiscretion down, so I did.

Which brings me to this morning when I went to my appointment and they said that, even though I had lost 13.5 lbs, I could not continue with the program. A gambit of emotions...guilt, anger, inner hate at myself, disappointment, even a little shame.

Walking to my car puffed up like and rabid dog, I drove around the corner to Starbucks and got a tall latte (180 cal.) and took a moment in my head. Ok...I could get mad and vindictive and hate myself and eat everything in sight, or I could suck it up. Take my lemons and make sugar-free lemonade with Stevia. So what? They tossed me out, fine. But after my two very long weeks with the shakes, I know I can do this on my own. I will adhere to a 1,000 calories a day (of real but healthy food), until I start working out, on those days I'll give myself a little more (1,200). And I will monitor myself, I'm pretty honest about when things are going ok or when there is trouble.

So I signed up for myfitnesspal.com. And I carry on my adventure. On my own. But more hopeful and more happy than I have been in a long time.

 BTW...I'm still going to post every Monday. It helps keep me accountable.

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